Midweek Thoughts (Late Post)

Another Wednesday night, and here I am – up late again, waiting for mom to be hooked to the dialysis machine. It has always been one of the hardest things for me to bear, seeing her sitting on the reclining chair, waiting for four hours for the treatment to finish.

Her calm sleep makes me feel at ease now. And somehow, the stress that I bear from day to day. The tears I had to suppress from things besides my family life. I had to keep them all inside, and show off a smile when people are around. To be honest, not a lot of friends know what I really go through. The once “open-book” life I had, are now snippets of life chapters that my college and online friends know now. I began to choose who to open myself fully, because not everyone stays longer than they used to be. I once left two classmates in awe, when they overheard the “full version” of my story, during my intake interview at school, and they were like “Grabe Joshua! Hindi namin alam yun ah? Kasi naman kapag nasa school ka, lagi kang masayahin, tapos nakatawa ka lang kapag nasa room ka?” (Really, Joshua?! We never knew about it? Its just, whenever you’re in school, you’re always cheerful and jolly inside the room.)

And I’m like: “Ahh, yeah. Well, you know me. Hehehe. Trying to keep things to myself”. But at times, I get tired of being the “guru” to my friends, coz when I come home, I eventually succumb to the tears, and let myself unfold.


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