The ‘Throwback’ Kid
Finally, my body took its toll with the stress, and the previous insomniac nights that I had to go through just to endure the Pre-Hell Week. Funny, but this experience was one of my ‘firsts’ in College, where I actually ‘made’ sleeping inside the jeepney (and when I say sleeping inside the jeepney, I mean to say is that I would wake up from the ‘nap’, a few blocks away from home. And the travel time to my house is usually from 45mins to an hour and a half), or I would doze off wherever possible.
And, at times, I would catch myself drifting off into nostalgia, possibly because I would have silent moments with myself on the way to school, or on my way home – instances when I would stare blankly at the bus window and think through all the things I’ve done, and what I can still do with the repercussions. No tears were shed, thank God (I finally emancipated from that dramatic phase, or so I thought I have). But then again, I would press rewind on my sort-of ‘Life Player’, and never find myself getting through the obstacle.
It has always been like this: this bad habit of mine has turned into a cycle wherein I never got the chance to get away from. I was always the melodramatic kid, but I kept that carefree, happy-go-lucky mask, and I never let anyone into my emotions that easily anymore.
Back in my highschool days, everybody knew how ’emo’ I was. My poems were filled with nostalgia, and I felt, not a lot of people wanted my company anymore. Rather than keeping these groups of people by my side, I opted to shut them out, and in consequence, I felt alone (but with the exception of my ‘real friends’, I realized later on, that I was not truly alone). But once I got into college, I had to be sheltered with what I feel, for I fear of what they might actually say. I opted that they only knew of the young chemist who had bold decisions, and the sarcastic remarks, and the simple ways of life.
The bus passes through Morayta, and the city lights start to blur in my eyes. The tears came from nowhere (of course, from your Lacrimal Glands) and I had to wipe them off just in case the bus conductor checks my ticket. A heavy feeling lingers, and memories rushed in – memories which has haunted me for months. Stuff which has been chained with me, and I can’t seem to emancipate from the sadness.
I had to drop off at Sta Mesa, and I plug in my earphones to listen to Lady Gaga. The upbeat music lightens up the mood. I decided to keep the thoughts in my invisible little box inside my head.
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