Before I Wake

Here we are again
Like we’ve always been
Since time uncertain

Who’s supposed to start?
Where do we begin?
When we’ve got so far to go

It was not like any other night. And this time,when we’d spend the time talking to each other for I was eager to say goodnight because I looked forward to another day to talk to this guy who seemed to jump start my day; now, I was more eager to stay beside him that night.

It was an evening that I prayed to last.

We took a long walk from that coffee shop to the garden across the city. Not being that good with directions, we managed to get there after a few interviews with the security guards and the street sweepers. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling that time, but all I knew is, that I was having a really great time with him. We had an hour left before we were supposed to go home – as he was trying to keep up with his “self-imposed” curfew, and I didn’t mind. Spending the whole afternoon with him was the best thing I’ve enjoyed for a long time now.

As we got to the park, we roamed around the green field, looking for a good spot to sit on. In no time, we were able to find a rather comfortable (and dry) spot near the curb, and we settled to sit there. As always, we began to talk about almost everything, and to think that we have been doing it for the past two hours already – it reminded me of how enjoying it seemed to be with someone who is at your wavelength, and shared almost all of your likes. Deep inside, I couldn’t contain the happiness I had for the two of us. But I knew better, and contained what I really felt inside. And on the outside, there were more questions in mind, that we had to clear out. And as the hour passed, slowly, the smiles started to fade, and the serious conversations started to kick in.

 Everybody says
Everything must go
Well I don’t think so.
Something still remains
In everyone we know
Since far away and long ago
And it shows.

And now, we sat closer, and I tried to state what i actually had in mind. I knew that there were questions we probably wont have the chance to answer, as well as why I was okay with us being friends. Why I never failed to understand him so well, when he himself just couldn’t manage to do so. We looked at each other, as we tried to “renew” our terms of friendship – he knew I would really take time adjusting, and I do too. But it was something we had to undertake, for the betterment of us both. And I do hope, that he finally understands why i just couldn’t let go.

I slowly bowed my head, the lights in the garden were turned on. We were way beyond his departure time. But as we sat closer to each other, and as I started to sink it all in, he whispered so close to my ear.

“Can you hug me?”

I wasted no time, throwing my arms around him. I hugged him tightly, letting him know how I wished not to let go – how thankful I was having him beside me, how I strongly believed his promise to never drift away as we focused on our personal goals, and how I wished that time stopped as I leaned my head on his shoulder. It was a night I will never forget.

A few minutes passed, and we were now walking towards the train station. I had to accompany him back, since he might not trace his way to the station. I started sulking inside, but amidst it, I had a weak smile. And as he passed the turnstile to the train track, melancholy struck me in a way that I thought, I have forgotten to feel. He got me in such a way, I couldn’t explain. And remembering how he confessed, I began to smile and go on with life, in our new chapter as friends.

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Tomorrow, everything will change
Today, will never seem the same.
So I will try to find a way
To say everything I need to say.
And if I should die before I wake,
Remember everything we said today.

– “Before I Wake”, I Fight Dragons

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Author: Josh Jimenez

A 23 year old Pharmacy student from Manila, Philippines He enjoys drinking Chamomile Tea, with Clean Bandit Tracks on deck, while reading his books, or jotting up notes for his next blog post.

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