I got tired of it eventually.
I got tired of the numerous times that I had to keep mouth shut; of keeping my thoughts to my own; of keeping the worries inside my head. For the longest time that I held the reins and convinced myself that in silence I would be able to handle things under control, I thought, maybe it was just that I needed. And for some time I went on believing that things were falling ‘according to planned’. But they weren’t. And now, I had to stop.
This time, I was no longer keeping myself chained to people who never appreciated my company. People who only saw me when they needed the advice or the leaning shoulder. I grew weary of having people close to me, then seeing the ones who grew close to me drift away when their lives seem to go well, but then I fade into the background, like a toy that’s back in the chest once you’ve finished playing with it.
And when I thought that I would never get through that lump on my throat, I finally blurted out what I wanted to tell you. How upset I was because of how I saw things.
I got tired of it, but now I finally said how I felt. And it actually felt good.