Malate

Magkahalong amoy ng usok ng yosi, at alak ang nalalanghap ko, habang sinusuong ko ang sarili ko sa isang malaking grupo. At sa kilos ko na ito, ay hindi ko namalayan ang isang binata na halos ka-edad ko – maputi, tsinito, at nakaputi na pantalon at polo, ang napatingin sa akin at binigyan ako ng isang ngiting hindi ko alam kung paano ko susuklian.

Lampas alas-onse na naman ng gabi. Pero, tulad ng mga taong patuloy na naglipana sa mga sidewalk ng Adriatico, ay gising na gising pa rin ang diwa ko – hindi alintana ang pagod na pinagdaanan maghapon sa eskwela. Madaling madali ako sapagkat ako’y balisa. Balisa dahil sa paligid na kahit ba ilang beses ko nang nadadaanan sa loob ng isang linggo, ay hindi pa rin ako nagkaroon ng kumpiyansa sa sarili na mag-venture out ng mag-isa.

Walang pinagkaiba ang gabi na ito – hindi nawala ang party mode ng karamihan sa mga mag-aaral. Siguro’y dahil ito sa long weekend na naman, o dahil tapos na ang klase. Grupo-grupo na naman ang marami sa Bellagio Square. Magkahalong amoy ng usok ng yosi, at alak ang nalalanghap ko, habang sinusuong ko ang sarili ko sa isang malaking grupo. At sa kilos ko na ito, ay hindi ko namalayan ang isang binata na halos ka-edad ko – maputi, tsinito, at nakaputi na pantalon at polo, ang napatingin sa akin at binigyan ako ng isang ngiting hindi ko alam kung paano ko susuklian. Nahihiyang ngumiti naman ako, pero sadyang nagmamadali lang ako, at kahit gusto ko pa sana magtagal, kahit para lang makita pa siya ng matagal-tagal.

Pero, pass muna ako sa ganyang bagay ngayon. Kahit ngayon lang. Paliko na ako ng Mabini, nang makita kong naglalakad siya papalapit sa akin. Oh Lord, bakit naman ngayon mo pa ako tinutukso?

“Hey, you dropped something. Technika player ka pala? Sa Timezone sa Rob ka rin naglalaro?”.

At iniabot niya sa akin ang isang itim na card – Technika 3 card ko pala. Lumuwa siguro sa mababaw na bulsa ng jacket ko. Tumigil ako sa paglalakad, at tinanong niya kung saan ako papunta. Nakakagulat, pero sa awkward moment namin, ay pumayag siya na samahan ako. Mukhang mas kabado pa ata sa akin itong kasama ko, habang binabagtas namin ang daan, kung saan naglipana ang mga KTV Bar, at ang mga babaeng nasa kalsadang nagaabot ng flyers. Kung hindi lang ako balisa at nagmamadali, baka ako na mismo ang nag-alis ng kabang nasa matipuno niyang harapan.

Sino ba naman ang hindi maiilang sa gwapong kasama ko? Hindi nga ako makafocus sa daan dahil iniisip ko ang lalaking ito na naglalakad nang halos dikit na sa gilid ko. Ewan ko. Kung bakit naman kasi sa mga gulong pagkakataon ko sila dadating. Nakasasama lang ng loob, pero ganun talaga.

Hindi ko na patatagalin. Sa di kalayuan, nakakita rin kami ng lugar kung saan makakakuha ako ng kailangan ko. Hindi naman siya nag-atubiling sumama sa akin, dahil wala naman daw siyang gagawin sa Bella, umuwi na ang mga blockmates niya.

(ipagpapatuloy)

Ad altiora tendo

One hundred and eight days into my Junior year’s second term, and I can slowly feel my energy failing like a melting candle in a dark room. All I feel like doing now is sleeping and lying down in bed, barely opening my Pharmacology notes in time for exams, cramming Manufacturing Pharmacy, a 180 degree turn from my vigor compared to my enthusiasm when I took its prerequisite subject last term.

The subjects are getting into my nerves, and the more that I feel like giving up, the more that I wanna hold back tears from the lack of courage, I fall further down into the pit where I once emerged from, two years ago when I started a new leaf in my new College.

But as my worries start to creep in, I am reminded of a passage:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave nor forsake you”. (Deuteronomy 31:6, NIV)

And yes, the Lord has always been with me, and at times, I may be at guilt whenever I forget His presence, He comes at our side, telling us

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ( Isaiah 41:10, NIV)

That is why, despite the downslide that I am currently facing right now, I know that it would be senseless to stay here at this pit.

So, I start climbing back.
And though it may take me longer than expected,
I know that I’ll emerge victorious by His side.

Been Awhile

It took me a great deal of effort to wake up in this cold Thursday morning. School’s just around the corner again, and I can’t seem to shift my body clock just yet for my soon to – be 8:00 AM school routine this term. With the end of summer, and the rains starting to pour down on Manila, its definitely going to be a soaked back to school welcome for me.

Aside from the fact that I’ve taken too long to get up from my warm cozy bed, is that weeks have passed since I had my last decent, lengthy post here on my blog. Things have happened lately, and I can’t seem to get my head around it, and I guess this would be the best time for me to get on with my ramblings, before I get all drowned in my schoolwork.

1. We’ve moved out!
After almost eight years of staying at our old residence in Manila, we’ve finally come home to my mom’s ancestral house (which happens to be only a couple of blocks away from our previous house), and finally its our own home!
After constantly moving from place to place, we no longer have to worry about the house rent, and the place not being our own. We’ve stayed here for almost two months now, and although we’re no newcomers in the area, it really feels alot like home already.

2. I’m finally a Junior (again) in College!
This came from the fact that I finally got through two semesters of my sophomore year in Pharmacy. Two years delayed from graduating on time (and counting), I finally start to take the pace and get myself back on track. Because of the good grades last year, I finally managed a enlist a full 27 unit load this term (which much hesitation to enroll subjects beyond what I usually take, which is around 21-24), which includes all my major subjects for the Junior year. Although I still have a few back subjects (like Theology and stuff), I’m pretty sure I can manage finishing them off before I graduate.

second yr
3. I tried my luck at love (again), but alas.
Apparently, God has other plans for me at the moment, and what I hoped to be a great start for me and a special someone was down in the drain, even before it started. But hey, maybe when the time comes, and we are able to find our ways together, we will. Maybe.

4. I’m back to writing! (And I have a few posts to save and post. Heh)
I realized that because I have alot of things to do for school, I’ll eventually have to keep up with my long time blog journal. And in order to do so, I’ll have to post stuff for later! I’m currently saving up all the posts, and hopefully get to schedule them properly so I’ll have a continuum of posts.

5. God has always been (and forever will be) by my side
After all these things that has come my way for the past months, both good and bad, I’m pretty sure it was by grace that got me through. His unending, boundless, selfless and precious love for me (and of course, for you too!) got me back up when I felt very down, pushed me to do greater things when I feel as if I’ve done what I think is “plain okay”, and changes me from glory to glory, into His likeness.

Its been awhile since I actually got down to write about all the things that has been brewing in my head since summer started. And probably it’ll take me more time to get to rant and ramble about stuff later on. But rest assured, I’m doing fine, and I hope you, reader, are having a great time as well!

A Fortnight and a Day

A love that was all too soon
I guess, as early as it is.
Our hopes, in candlewax wings
Melted way before it could’ve soared high.

But the same heat of Summer’s day
Would’ve set a clay pot dry
Cemented what could have been
The perfect “You and I”

But alas, a fortnight and a day
The dream has fallen, and truth be taken
The dream lies splendid in good sleep
And all of these in tears I weep

A Work in Progress: Day 150

For the longest four months into my college life, have I attempted to refrain from answering the people who have been pushing me to reveal why I shifted courses when I was almost there.

I wasn’t really sure myself if it was the shame of having to go through another two to three years of Pharmacy subjects before graduating, or was it the pressure of focusing on my current track? Probably because early on I have anticipated the numerous questions that had crept my mind since November.

On the other hand, albeit the expectations of most people, I have been doing very well in the College of Pharmacy – I have a new refuge in the seclusions of the St. Theresa’s Building; old friends are still with me, but now with the addition of great people, in all-white uniforms; a more organized schedule which lets me move freely in between subjects; a slowly rebuilding self – esteem which I thought was lost, but most especially, a provision and a renewed promise from God that this is going to be the best move forward.

Gone were the days when I had to succumb to the heavy feelings I had back at the Cardinal Santos Building (my former department was situated in the eerie corner of its Second Floor). I no longer have to brush shoulders with the professors whose preconceptions about me cannot be changed by my simple acts of progress – praises you but talks about you differently when you’re away.

I no longer have to deal with its tyrant, and her dealings. For a very long time, I have told my juniors how she deals with concern and care, however deep inside I have feelings of disappointment. But alas, they are now gone, and I wouldn’t be dealing with them for a long time.

For the longest four months in my college life, I have found peace and happiness to where I am now. Probably I wouldn’t mind too much answering questions why I left. Why I didn’t just finish Chemistry. Why I ‘wasted’ three years for nothing (this not true, FYI. Pharmacy is STILL Chemistry). I am a work in progress: His work, in progress. He still has a lot in store for me, all because I tried to do things on my own. But He steers for me now.

Hi There, 2015.

IMG_20150101_002746 For the longest time, I have spent my New Year’s Eve cooped up inside my room, just like all the past years have gone. As much as I have despised the noise and the allergic rhinitis that I get from the air from 8 o’clock all the way til 1 A.M., I was more interested with doing the countdown post that I would always have – despite no one reading it.

But last night, I took the chance to do a little bit different. I went out for the first time in years, to take a look at the awesome lights and fireworks that lit up the skies. The one in the photo, was even only a few meters away from the window on our condominium floor (sixth floor) and it was an truly a sight to behold.

With so many happenings around us, and it pushes us to just keep it to ourselves, we tend to neglect how to appreciate all of those other things which can bring us joy. I remembered that very well, when I saw the horizon infront of me – it may be filled with smoke, but then again, the view was always a picture I can always recall when I closed my eyes.