And there it was.
Another memory to fill my lonely nights. Another living nightmare to haunt me in broad daylight. Another story I could’ve written a better ending to. But there it was. An ending too soon to be felt.
Oh, too soon.
How I long to repress this at the back of my mind. A blissful encounter, which I suppose was kept brief for a very good reason. Like the changing of the seasons, it came. Like the changing of the seasons, it left.As we stepped out of the walls that confined us, nothing felt the same anymore. We talked, and laughed as moonlight shined down on us lonely creatures – who felt the longing to be loved, and to be loved accordingly in return.
Lips the like April rose. A warmth like sunny rays of May. With the euphoria felt in June, we stayed in that cabin. The torrid winds of July, I felt his chest in mine. Hearts beating to the adrenaline rush that came with our affections. And like the August rain, reality came pouring down on us, until it washed everything away.
It drifted me apart from you, in the calamity that was us.
And there it was: the final say.
I held your hand one more time, this time not with hope, but with uncertainty – for what happens when day breaks is something I cannot tell – like the secrets we had in that cabin. Was five minutes enough, to tell?
Or would it take me longer to forget?
From day to day, I fend off so
But He tells me, “You’re not alone”.
“When you’re in doubt, or eyes are sore,
I walk with you, as you explore”.
In righteous ways some are unkind
And at wit’s end your patience tried
‘Praise me, my child – never sigh!
I keep you safe, so always smile’.
So now, I go from day to day
“I’m not alone”, I always say
My eyes wiped dry. These eyes, not sore
He walks with me as I explore.
When two points meet – from me to you
It goes across, my feelings too.
I kept hidden, despite the blues
The jealousies and envy cruel.
With you I keep a smile, at bay
He brings you that now, everyday
Three months long, I chose not to say.
Behind this line, still here I stay.
As easy as a drag;
I throw it all away.
Albums kept and chat logs long
In this bin it’ll all stay.
To rot – like the past,
Grief-stricken I am no more.
Yet above all else, still I am hopeful
Maybe one day, I’ll hit ‘Restore’.
O, the rain, I feel, your tears
But with despair, comes, joy.
In our souls, you, comfort.
In our hearts, you, spark
Our urge, to love, in return.
For the past few months, I have longed to tell you what I feel.
It was something which I let sink in, before finally deciding to admit it once and for all – how the late nights with you were something I looked forward to; (no matter how random the topics were, as long as it was with you, it mattered not to me at all) how I instinctively joke that I missed talking to you whenever I’m not online; that I would try to keep my eyes open early in the morning just to stay awake when we talk (which fails alot, since I fall asleep, still); how I keep smiling when I look at your picture in my phone; how I have always tried to set the perfect date to ask you out.
But as John Lennon had said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”, I was busy making too many plans. And life moved on. You moved on.
Now, here I am at the sidelines hearing your stories, stuck in the ‘zone’.I laugh when you tell me your stories, but I cringe inside and brings me in an emotional turmoil which is unnecessary and illogical. I wanted you to stop – but I knew it was something important to you. How can I be so blind?: You were into someone else, and I was merely someone you cherished in a different way.
And this time, I thought I’ve know you better than someone you just went out on a date with. In the headlines of this torn drama of mine, in a pedestal where I placed you, so I can keep you, my friend. I marvel at the view. I smile in your presence.
But in the end, I was only looking at a puddle.
Written for Truth Thursdays. This blog exists to connect people through writing. To initiate something honest, thoughtful and meaningful. Wanna know more about this awesome thing I just participated in, read it here. :)
Lord, I forgive within my heart
Bitter feelings from the start –
The pain, the rage, the shattered parts,
Ill-kept emotions, now I thwart.
To the ones who crossed me, time & again
I harbored contempt since way back when
May haunted mem’ries fade and then
This soul may heal as You intend.