Quietude

In solitude I may find myself
Far away from you, I may seek to be whole
Yet your presence I long
And your love I yearn to feel
This peace giveth me a chance
To rebuild the pieces broken
From chances forsaken

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A Work in Progress: Day 150

For the longest four months into my college life, have I attempted to refrain from answering the people who have been pushing me to reveal why I shifted courses when I was almost there.

I wasn’t really sure myself if it was the shame of having to go through another two to three years of Pharmacy subjects before graduating, or was it the pressure of focusing on my current track? Probably because early on I have anticipated the numerous questions that had crept my mind since November.

On the other hand, albeit the expectations of most people, I have been doing very well in the College of Pharmacy – I have a new refuge in the seclusions of the St. Theresa’s Building; old friends are still with me, but now with the addition of great people, in all-white uniforms; a more organized schedule which lets me move freely in between subjects; a slowly rebuilding self – esteem which I thought was lost, but most especially, a provision and a renewed promise from God that this is going to be the best move forward.

Gone were the days when I had to succumb to the heavy feelings I had back at the Cardinal Santos Building (my former department was situated in the eerie corner of its Second Floor). I no longer have to brush shoulders with the professors whose preconceptions about me cannot be changed by my simple acts of progress – praises you but talks about you differently when you’re away.

I no longer have to deal with its tyrant, and her dealings. For a very long time, I have told my juniors how she deals with concern and care, however deep inside I have feelings of disappointment. But alas, they are now gone, and I wouldn’t be dealing with them for a long time.

For the longest four months in my college life, I have found peace and happiness to where I am now. Probably I wouldn’t mind too much answering questions why I left. Why I didn’t just finish Chemistry. Why I ‘wasted’ three years for nothing (this not true, FYI. Pharmacy is STILL Chemistry). I am a work in progress: His work, in progress. He still has a lot in store for me, all because I tried to do things on my own. But He steers for me now.

B*tches Leeches

It makes all the difference, when you try to appease everyone because you ought to do things the ‘proper way’, and it doesn’t turn out the way you envision it to be.

We tend to be a little bit too diplomatic most of the time, but lose the fact that we have to set limits, expectations, and (ahem) deadlines when we have a so – called ‘collaborative effort’ for a certain project.

A ‘team effort’ doesn’t have to come on a major scale. It comes from a smaller unit that works hand in hand, true to whatever committed tasks they have put themselves into, towards something bigger which cannot be done simply by a person who is alone.