My Five Minutes in Heaven

And there it was.

Another memory to fill my lonely nights. Another living nightmare to haunt me in broad daylight. Another story I could’ve written a better ending to.Β But there it was. An ending too soon to be felt.

Oh, too soon.

How I long to repress this at the back of my mind. A blissful encounter, which I suppose was kept brief for a very good reason. Like the changing of the seasons, it came. Like the changing of the seasons, it left.As we stepped out of the walls that confined us, nothing felt the same anymore. We talked, and laughed as moonlight shined down on us lonely creatures – who felt the longing to be loved, and to be loved accordingly in return.

Lips the like April rose. A warmth like sunny rays of May. With the euphoria felt in June, we stayed in that cabin. The torrid winds of July, I felt his chest in mine. Hearts beating to the adrenaline rush that came with our affections. And like the August rain, reality came pouring down on us, until it washed everything away.

It drifted me apart from you, in the calamity that was us.

And there it was: the final say.

I held your hand one more time, this time not with hope, but with uncertainty – for what happens when day breaks is something I cannot tell – like the secrets we had in that cabin. Was five minutes enough, to tell?

Or would it take me longer to forget?

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As I Explore

From day to day, I fend off so
But He tells me, “You’re not alone”.
“When you’re in doubt, or eyes are sore,
I walk with you, as you explore”.

In righteous ways some are unkind
And at wit’s end your patience tried
‘Praise me, my child – never sigh!
I keep you safe, so always smile’.

So now, I go from day to day
“I’m not alone”, I always say
My eyes wiped dry. These eyes, not sore
He walks with me as I explore.

Caffeine Veins

Keep me awake, just one more sip
Repressing things I hide too deep
The downside has been way to steep
The nightmares I get in my sleep.

My eyes dilate, my heart beats fast
And I flip through the pages past –
The hauntings that left me aghast
And memories I wished would last.

Should I settle for just one more?
This addiction rooted to the core
Has left me longing, like before
Though biiter tastes have left me sore.

Keep me awake, just one more sip
I stop the tears I try to keep
This has dragged us way too deep
And I should grab myself some sleep.

Before I Wake

Here we are again
Like we’ve always been
Since time uncertain

Who’s supposed to start?
Where do we begin?
When we’ve got so far to go

It was not like any other night. And this time,when we’d spend the time talking to each other for I was eager to say goodnight because I looked forward to another day to talk to this guy who seemed to jump start my day; now, I was more eager to stay beside him that night.

It was an evening that I prayed to last.

We took a long walk from that coffee shop to the garden across the city. Not being that good with directions, we managed to get there after a few interviews with the security guards and the street sweepers. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling that time, but all I knew is, that I was having a really great time with him. We had an hour left before we were supposed to go home – as he was trying to keep up with his “self-imposed” curfew, and I didn’t mind. Spending the whole afternoon with him was the best thing I’ve enjoyed for a long time now.

As we got to the park, we roamed around the green field, looking for a good spot to sit on. In no time, we were able to find a rather comfortable (and dry) spot near the curb, and we settled to sit there. As always, we began to talk about almost everything, and to think that we have been doing it for the past two hours already – it reminded me of how enjoying it seemed to be with someone who is at your wavelength, and shared almost all of your likes. Deep inside, I couldn’t contain the happiness I had for the two of us. But I knew better, and contained what I really felt inside. And on the outside, there were more questions in mind, that we had to clear out. And as the hour passed, slowly, the smiles started to fade, and the serious conversations started to kick in.

Β Everybody says
Everything must go
Well I don’t think so.
Something still remains
In everyone we know
Since far away and long ago
And it shows.

And now, we sat closer, and I tried to state what i actually had in mind. I knew that there were questions we probably wont have the chance to answer, as well as why I was okay with us being friends. Why I never failed to understand him so well, when he himself just couldn’t manage to do so. We looked at each other, as we tried to “renew” our terms of friendship – he knew I would really take time adjusting, and I do too. But it was something we had to undertake, for the betterment of us both. And I do hope, that he finally understands why i just couldn’t let go.

I slowly bowed my head, the lights in the garden were turned on. We were way beyond his departure time. But as we sat closer to each other, and as I started to sink it all in, he whispered so close to my ear.

“Can you hug me?”

I wasted no time, throwing my arms around him. I hugged him tightly, letting him know how I wished not to let go – how thankful I was having him beside me, how I strongly believed his promise to never drift away as we focused on our personal goals, and how I wished that time stopped as I leaned my head on his shoulder. It was a night I will never forget.

A few minutes passed, and we were now walking towards the train station. I had to accompany him back, since he might not trace his way to the station. I started sulking inside, but amidst it, I had a weak smile. And as he passed the turnstile to the train track, melancholy struck me in a way that I thought, I have forgotten to feel. He got me in such a way, I couldn’t explain. And remembering how he confessed, I began to smile and go on with life, in our new chapter as friends.

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Tomorrow, everything will change
Today, will never seem the same.
So I will try to find a way
To say everything I need to say.
And if I should die before I wake,
Remember everything we said today.

– “Before I Wake”, I Fight Dragons