They lurk, they creep. They hear me weep
My heart out loud, I try to keep
And silence them inside my head
I stare outside the shop instead.
They seek, they feed on my defeat
And they grin on to my retreat
I close my eyes, tears down my cheek
As they get strong, while I’m here weak.
They sting; they stab, and leave me sore.
They made me doubt what I’d fight for.
I sigh and pray, coz there’s still more
Right there, just waiting out my door.
Just when I was trying to pull myself together, I unintentionally dragged myself deeper into the pit.
This was the exact same feeling I had over two years ago – when I was overwhelmed with so much pressure, that I decided to waste a Semester in College. Yes, I did pay the price of doing so, and I did so with much regret. But it was a very devastating time in my College life – I was torn inside myself, and I was losing focus. It was not my proudest moment that I can say. Yet, it provided me time to think things through, and get myself back on my feet.
But lately, the sleepless nights have returned. The distractions are back. The ghosts start to haunt me again. Just two years ago, I used to rebuke them so easily. Now they’re back, and they won’t let me win a second time.
However, the circumstances are different now, and so are the chances that I cannot afford to waste anymore. I’m slowly going back to my defense mechanism, and while I can make sense from my early symptoms, I have to move fast – no, I must also think fast, before it gets the best of me once more. With barely two more weeks left for this term, all I can do is to avoid losing grip of my grades (and my sanity).
The evening haunts, the shadows cry
Each voice inside, won’t let you by
The tears, the pain, the weary sighs,
They fill your thoughts up ev’ry night.
The sadness just won’t go away.
If spoken of it everyday.
Cylical, looks as it may
‘The scars are fresh’ yes you may say.
But how can wounds be soothed and heal?
If still, cry so much for what you feel?
Can you not stick to what is real,
That they are not of the best deal?
The evening haunts, and so it will
Should rationality be killed?
Should you face the other cheek, and sigh
Thoughts will be filled up, by and by.
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