The Throwback Kid

The ‘Throwback’ Kid

Finally, my body took its toll with the stress, and the previous insomniac nights that I had to go through just to endure the Pre-Hell Week. Funny, but this experience was one of my ‘firsts’ in College, where I actually ‘made’ sleeping inside the jeepney (and when I say sleeping inside the jeepney, I mean to say is that I would wake up from the ‘nap’, a few blocks away from home. And the travel time to my house is usually from 45mins to an hour and a half), or I would doze off wherever possible.

And, at times, I would catch myself drifting off into nostalgia, possibly because I would have silent moments with myself on the way to school, or on my way home – instances when I would stare blankly at the bus window and think through all the things I’ve done, and what I can still do with the repercussions. No tears were shed, thank God (I finally emancipated from that dramatic phase, or so I thought I have). But then again, I would press rewind on my sort-of ‘Life Player’, and never find myself getting through the obstacle.

It has always been like this: this bad habit of mine has turned into a cycle wherein I never got the chance to get away from. I was always the melodramatic kid, but I kept that carefree, happy-go-lucky mask, and I never let anyone into my emotions that easily anymore.

Back in my highschool days, everybody knew how ’emo’ I was. My poems were filled with nostalgia, and I felt, not a lot of people wanted my company anymore. Rather than keeping these groups of people by my side, I opted to shut them out, and in consequence, I felt alone (but with the exception of my ‘real friends’, I realized later on, that I was not truly alone). But once I got into college, I had to be sheltered with what I feel, for I fear of what they might actually say. I opted that they only knew of the young chemist who had bold decisions, and the sarcastic remarks, and the simple ways of life.

The bus passes through Morayta, and the city lights start to blur in my eyes. The tears came from nowhere (of course, from your Lacrimal Glands) and I had to wipe them off just in case the bus conductor checks my ticket. A heavy feeling lingers, and memories rushed in – memories which has haunted me for months. Stuff which has been chained with me, and I can’t seem to emancipate from the sadness.

I had to drop off at Sta Mesa, and I plug in my earphones to listen to Lady Gaga. The upbeat music lightens up the mood. I decided to keep the thoughts in my invisible little box inside my head.

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Just Not Enough

It was a bliss – that feeling of cheer that came my way one rainy November evening. Living in this world, alone and depressed from time to time, it seemed happy to realize that despite all the hardships I face, a new horizon is always in full view at the end of the day.

I was a kid in the dark, alone and cold; clueless and lost; confused and torn. But amidst the dark and desolate life that suddenly befell me, a candle was lit.

Its light was small, and darkness enveloped its very entity, yet it burned bright, and Hope continued to illuminate my surroundings. A little candle managed to warm my palms, but most especially, my heart. I finally saw a smile, from the reflection that emanated from the puddle. And because of that, slowly, but surely, I started to hope that this would continue, all throughout the night.

And as the night grows dimmer by the hour, the rains starts to pour again, and the winds blew harder each and every time. The light flickered, and I feared for the worst. I couldn’t afford to lose this light in this dark and gloomy evening.

But, the longer I try to hold on, the more obstacles I face, and the faster it burns its flame. Now, I begin to doubt myself, if I could even feel the same way again, once the candle melts out, and the first few rays of the sun is finally in full view.

I Say Goodbye

I say goodbye, to all the smiles
Our late night calls, and lullabies.
The nights will haunt me, as I cry
My dearest love, I say goodbye.

Farewell to every passing day
To our great love, as sunny May.
But now, the skies are shades of gray
And we both know: here we can’t stay.

Adieu to every single time,
We call sweet names; I call you ‘mine’.
The months have passed, each all worthwhile
Do promise me, you’ll stay as fine.

I say goodbye to all the smiles,
Forever seemed cut short in time.
I won’t forget this, by and by
To you my love, I say goodbye.