At the Back of my Mind

I took awhile, standing there at the corner of the street overlooking his place, one Saturday night. Texting him that I was standing just below the light post was not an option anymore. Not anymore.

After ten minutes or so, I began walking the long road back to my place. We used to love doing this together – me and him. I didn’t bother taking a jeep, just so I could slowly drown myself in my thoughts, and to let the idea sink in, that I may probably not see him in person again.

I walked along all the side streets that we used to walk on. Only this time, I was the only one walking myself home. I recall the jokes, the teasing, the surprise kisses in the dark side of the street. His hands that held mine. All that’s left are my hands that clasped each other to fend off the cold.

Maybe I never should have tried. But then again, I was always the hoping type.

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Long Time Buddies

I woke up this morning, with something on my chest, that somehow gave me the reason to smile for the rest of the day.

You were not mine to keep, for you were not mine to receive. But years havepassed us by, and for the longest time that you have been with me, nobody seemed to object that I never neglected how I taken you into my care.

That in my 19 years, I would succumb to take you to my bath, and even talk to you while I sleep. And whenever I hugged you so tight (and I knew that if you only had the will to speak up, you’d probably tell me to get away from you once in a while), I remind myself of the times when he was ever hopeful, to earn your owner’s Love. And I would even cry out to you, whenever I’m alone, and you be on top of my head whenever I’m reviewing for an exam, overseeing me if I keep on looking at my phone, rather than my notes.

I may have forgotten to return to her, but whenever I see myself taking care of you, rekindling how I wished I received you from him instead, even if we don’t talk to each other anymore, I am happy with how things have gone.
And we can be even better than how Calvin and Hobbes were like.

Ephemeral

It was another Wednesday evening. The clock struck 7 o’clock, and I was waiting at the door. Nobody was home, except me. Mom had to go out, and I asked her if I could just catch up. As much as I wanted to leave the house, I was more eager to wait for the person about to enter our doorsteps at this hour of night.
7:30, and it was raining. I see you outside, holding an umbrella. I waved my hand to tell you it was free to go in. You dropped your bag on the couch, and you hugged me so tight like a husband who came home from work. I caught myself surprised, but I didn’t bother. I was in your arms again, and you were in mine.

You followed me to the kitchen and asked me what I was cooking for ‘our’ dinner. I told you, ‘Its your favorite soup, and there’s steak. Also the Iced Tea’s on the fridge’. You didn’t need me to tell you that. You were already wrapping your arms behind me, kissing my neck, while I was stirring the meal on the saucepan.

I shoved you a little, and joked that I might get turned on. You pout a little, and with a kiss on your cheek, you smile and sat on the chair. I ask you about your day, just like a wife would, to her dutiful husband on his tiring day of work. You told me, the story that I made for you aced the class, and a wide smile flashed on your face. It was heartwarming, and I blushed while serving you your dinner. You sat beside me, and fed me while your arms wrapped my shoulders.

When we were done with the dishes, you laid down on bed. I came up behind you and you hugged me so tight. It was a week-long absence from each other, since the Midterms were somehow very busy. I laid on your chest, and you smelled of my favorite perfume. You held me so close, then. Held me with those arms that kept me safe. Kept me warm. Kept me calm. Your love had that magic that you cast over me. It was habit forming, and made me long for you even more, when you’re away.

I looked at my phone’s clock: It was 8:30. I knew that you had to go home soon, but I resisted. I missed you so much. And I just can’t let you leave that early. You held my hand, and made me face you. Our lips touched each other, and like a fire ablaze, amidst the cool rain, we were now bare at each other’s presence. If it could only last the whole night through.. If only it could.

Almost an hour passed, and you told me you really had to go. Then you saw tears. Tears? From the pain? No. I was numb about it. It was because you were going to leave again tonight. I held your hand, and you kissed my forehead, and you went off and said ‘Goodbye’. Time flew past us once more, in this story that never even got close to Midnight. And like the Love we once knew to love, came down as ephemeral.

Glimpse of You

I took a second glance on the guy who sat infront of me in the jeepney. There was this feeling in me that made me think twice if I should say ‘hi’ to this good-looking guy wearing a striped polo shirt, and what seemed like a foldable pair of reading glasses in his pocket.

He was fair-skinned and had rather messy hair. His nose seemed perfect, and he smelled of my favorite cologne. The urge has been battling inside of me if it was really him. Perhaps a look-alike? Maybe so.

These thoughts kept running in my head, when unexpectedly, in between glances that I throw to this guy, he suddenly looked at me, and gave me a weak smile.

Shit! I was so caught off guard right there and then! I smiled back, just to fend off the awkward situation that befell me, and looked the other way. But I would glimpse an instance or two, towards this bespectacled guy. I just couldn’t help it. Yes, in a way he did remind me of you and how I once looked at you beside me inside the classroom.

You would ask me why, then I would smile and tell you to stop minding me and my weirdness. And then, you’d turn loose sheets of paper on your desk, or the back of your notebook into instant sketchpads, with a pen on your hand. I still kept some of them, and smile whenever I remember you sketch our favorite anime characters. We shared a liking for music, and I still kept that pair of Katekyo Hitman Reborn! Headphones you gave me for Christmas, and whenever I think of you, I use them while listening to my favorite songs. I broke all my other earphones, but for 3 years, I’ve had it with me, with all the stuff that we shared.

I would glimpse an instance, or two, and saw all your actions through this guy infront of me. The way he took off his glasses, it kills me inside, that for the longest time that I have kept you locked inside my heart, someone who actually resembles you, makes me remember you once more. Has it been a year already since we last chatted? I can’t remember quite well. But the late night conversations we had, would always be in my heart, no matter what.

I’ve been with other guys, since then, but I always looked for you in them. I’ve seen other girls, since then, but you’ve made me cry like no one can.

I alight the jeep, and I was sure enough it wasn’t you. But the brief encounter, how absurd it may sound, I’ll admit, it made me happier. It made me whole.