Hi There, 2015.

 For the longest time, I have spent my New Year’s Eve cooped up inside my room, just like all the past years have gone. As much as I have despised the noise and the allergic rhinitis that I get from the air from 8 o’clock all the way til 1 A.M., I was more interested with doing the countdown post that I would always have – despite no one reading it.

But last night, I took the chance to do a little bit different. I went out for the first time in years, to take a look at the awesome lights and fireworks that lit up the skies. The one in the photo, was even only a few meters away from the window on our condominium floor (sixth floor) and it was an truly a sight to behold.

With so many happenings around us, and it pushes us to just keep it to ourselves, we tend to neglect how to appreciate all of those other things which can bring us joy. I remembered that very well, when I saw the horizon infront of me – it may be filled with smoke, but then again, the view was always a picture I can always recall when I closed my eyes.

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Ayokong Umasa Ka

Malakas na pintig ng puso ko lang ata ang naririnig ko nang mga panahong iyon – isang kakaibang pakiramdam ang sumalubong sa akin, at tila ba’y binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig mula sa kinatatayuan ko, nang makita ko ang username niya. Sa halos dalawang buwan na nakilala ko siya’y, noon na lamang kami ulit nagkaroon ng interaction sa social newtorking site na iyon, matapos ang napakatagal na pananahimik niya sa bawat mensaheng ipinapadala ko sa kanya.

Minsan, hindi ko lubos maisip kung pagmamakaawa na ba ang ginawa kong hakbang, na hindi bumitaw sa kung ano ang maaari pa naming maisalba, sa isa sanang magandang pagsasamahan. Maraming dumating, nang nawala siya, pero noon ko lang ulit naramdaman ang damdaming “may binabalik-balikan” ako.

Nang makita ko ang ginawa niyang pag-favorite sa isang post ko, ay biglang nanlamig ang katawan ko. Namamalikmata lang ba akong talagang ginawa niya ‘yon? Hindi, baka nga natuwa lang siya sa sinabi ko. Nang banggitin ko siya sa sumunod na post ko’y, sumagot siya

Hindi nga ako namamalikmata. Talagang pinansin na niya ako! New Year’s wish come true ko na nga ata ang nangyari – na sa wakas, ay nagkapansinan na kami ulit. Sana’y, makapagsimula na kami ulit, sa mga bagay na hindi kami napagdulutan ng pagkakataon. Agad-agaran ko siyang tinawagan, at sa saglit na kami’y nagkausap, dumaloy ang unang luha ko, sa taong 2013.

Akala ko’y matatagalan pa ang susunod, pero nagkamali ako.

Kinaumagahan (kanina), ay naglakas loob akong tanungin siya kung ano ang naging dahilan ng pagpansin niya sakin muli. Alam kong, mas mabuti na ipinagpasalamat ko na nagkausap kami ulit, ngunit ang bagay na ito’y hindi matatahimik sa aking isipan. Doon ko nalaman ang tugon niya:

“Hmm ayokong umasa ka, pero as of now friendshp lang muna ang kaya kong ibgay. Ayoko muna paasahn ang sarili ko sa mga fairytale love story na minsan natin nagawa. If you know what I mean..”

At sa hindi ko inaasahang pagkakataon – sa pangalawang pagkakataon, tumulo ang luha ko nang may ngiti sa mga labi, at kumikirot na puso.

One

One month has passed.

That one encounter with something I thought was love.

One sweet promise, that I hoped would not be broken.

But it turned out to be one painful experience to learn so much from.

December 31, 2012.

I lay in my sofa bed, two hours before everybody yells their lungs out to welcome the New Year. I close my eyes and imagine that lingering moment whenever I lay here, head towards the wall. I see him, facing me. Smiling. A month ago, it was a story I thought deemed to last longer than a wink of an eye. He was everything I thought I would never have (or so I thought). He laughs a lot, and smiled alot too. He would tell me he ain’t good-looking, but I would tell him it didn’t matter. Not to me. I was more to that, and I know he knows that very well. He was a bit teasing, and I knew how to play around. But sometimes, we just had to say ‘play times over.’

And I didn’t expect him to say that so early. I would ask myself, “Where did I go wrong?,” “Where did we go wrong?” I begged to make him stay, and asked if he would want to take things slowly. But when he asked for some space, I sure gave him lightyears of it. The hardest part was finding out how coquettish he was. The downcast feelings turned to a revengeful aura, each tear that fell was a curse to him.

And then, things dawned on me. He was just not right for me. Because of what I feel, I tried to write my own love story, and let Him do the proofreading. I guess I was wrong with that. He made all things happen in the right place, and at the right moment.

Ten minutes more, and its 12:00 AM on my clock. I lay in bed, the firecrackers get louder and louder into the night. Later, it will be another year. Another year that will challenge me, test me to my limits, and I will find happiness one day. Hopefully.