Who’s Crazy Now?

I was fond of leaving the house, and catching up to my mother’s Hemodialysis Session late at night – usually around 9:30 to 10:30 in the evening, just late enough so I can free myself of the long sitting time inside the jeep because of the Friday traffic. Also, leaving the house late at night makes me feel at ease, because whenever I look outside the jeepney window, the cool evening breeze calms me down, and sets me off into a ‘meditative’ trance while travelling to Roxas Blvd.

This time is actually no different from the previous nightly travels that I have taken. But somehow, thisjeepney that I was in, had somehow made  ponder on so much, before I went to sleep that day (so much for being so worriesome, huh?).

It was around 10 o’clock when I got to the jeepney stop, and I happen to call a jeepney to ride on. I was the third passenger on the jeepney – the first one, being the passenger beside the driver, and a guy who sat  not too far from where I was. The Air Supply tracks was definitely on a high volume (making me shout out where I was going to alight), but it didn’t matter to me much, as I as enjoying the songs being played.

As the jeepney stopped near the old Sta Ana church, an old woman, carrying a big shoulder bag rode the jeep, and sat at the seat infront of me. She looked very tired, and surprisingly, she was murmuring things to herself, and some of it, I cannot clearly understand. She seemed very hungry, as she was handing out her hand towards me (seeing that  I was eating a pack of biscuits). I gave her another pack, and she started munching on the Skyflakes that I gave her. A sudden rush of emotions came to me, as I glanced at her, and questions like that came into my mind: “Where’s her family now?” “Where is she going?” “Is she really crazy, or mentally ill?” but then, out of pity, I looked away, pretended not to be overly concerned at her condition, and drifted off with my random thoughts.

Not too far away, a group of teenagers rode the jeep. If I am not mistaken, there were 5 of them, not far from my age (but definitely younger than me). They were so rowdy inside the jeepney, shouting, laughing, and cussing each other, as if carrying no burden at all. The smell of alcohol reeked inside the jeepney, and really, it would definitely piss me off. What was more irritating, was how they kept looking at the old lady with disgust. Sneering and whispering (though, they weren’t really whispering) that she was insane, as she kept talking to herself and pretending to be looking for something inside her bag.

But deep inside, with how they were even acting out, could I even consider them as the sane ones? After how they seem to be pretty much enjoy being carefree and aloft with their own surroundings? The ones who are expected to think, and live upright lives spend their living bodies in a degrading way?

Forgotten Letter

I never thought I would see it again.

Last night, I was sifting through my old school stuff to check whether some of my old high school handouts can still be useful to me next semester. I went through my old clearbook, old exams in Modern Physics and Advanced Chemistry and even my Calculus notebook just to see whether they can be of help to me once I enter sophomore year.

It was literally a pain to the eye, opening up four boxes of old school stuff just to sort out my stuff ( Since I was sneezing and crying due to the dust). I saw my old yearbooks, my old journals (diaries that I’ve kept for three years now) that I was able to reread and remember every happy, giddy, and painful memories of my days in MandSci.

When I opened the last box of my things, I noticed this one small box, that had a few pieces of paper inside.

It was a box full of pad paper conversations. Almost 8 pieces of lengthwise folded intermediate pad paper sheets full of conversations, between two people. I picked one up, and started to read along the conversation, and remember the details when we wrote it down. How amusing it was, that I was able to keep the notes for three years now, kept hidden in sight. As I was checking the other conversations, I saw this letter that I placed along with the other sheets of paper. I totally cried when I read it.

Hey, you. I hope you bother to read this that I wrote for you.

I really shouldn’t have pushed you to tell me. Honestly, I am still hurt about it. It was the first time that I really can’t stop crying about something as silly as that. But, you know how I really am, right?

Yes. I was that clingy, and I know I shouldn’t have been. Actually right now, I’m so confused with letting you go, and with keeping our friendship. Yes. I partly screwed up when you were ‘dating’ with Kaira. But I think you screwed up more, by trying to keep me as a friend just for Mharmila’s sake.

You were always that more of a friend, but less than a lover for me. I know, pressures around you kept our friendship in the rocks. But I wanna thank you for staying put to it, even just before we ‘let our fates decide’.

I was always moody. Everybody knows about it. Don’t you ever think that it was only you that made me feel down. Never worry, someday, I’ll find the courage to tell you that I’ve grown from being the depressed writer, and into the mature person that I always hoped to be.

Thank you for all the late nights we’ve talked, and the notes we used to pass to each other. I feel giddy while writing this. Those times I really exerted effort to wait you get back, coz you promised that you’ll PM me after 4 Hours! (LOL kidding) and times when I really wanted someone to understand me, and you were always there to be optimistic.

We may have different views on the topic of change. But I’m sure to stick to a quote that I found on the planner that Kuya Erron gave me: ‘People don’t really change. They just become clearly more themselves’ :) I wouldn’t worry about you contradicting that! I still have Reu and Cheska to back me up on it. Hahahaha.

Well, I hope you finished reading up to the bottom of this letter. Good luck on your career choice by the way!

-j

I was going to tear it up after reading the letter, but I thought ‘Why bother?’ and kept it back. I don’t really have to tell him this again, since we have both moved on to our own lives. And I’m really happy with what’s happening with my life now. We all deserve to smile and be happy, even for once right?