For Now

Author’s Update:

 

Finally I enroll for one more semester in College before heading off to New Jersey in the summer. After a very complicated First Semester, having failed Physical Chemistry on my first take on the subject, I was not able to take up most of my majors (aside from my thesis subject, which I am bound to finish before leaving), and now I am left with taking up two Literature classes, a Technical Writing Class and Physics (which I am taking up with Geology majors. OTL)

 

In my four years of staying in college, I finally got the chance to have one of my ‘lightest’ class load for this semester – 13 units, with a 6 unit sit-in, it is definitely a free T/TH morning for me this November to April. Now, I am more relieved to pursue my thesis and my experimental methodology, and attempt to finish it before the semester ends.

As much as I want to continue blogging and attend to this, while doing all the other stuff I am supposed to, I decided to take a leave from my blog for a while, refine my craft and how I write my content, and get back here with more interesting stories that I could share to all of you. I just happened to backread my content and see that most of the time, my entries are more of the ‘feels’, and ranting, and I seem to forget how to be more comfortable with how I am as a writer.

Nevertheless, I am sure to return, as I’ve always had. Or so to say, I have always been here, since I never really did leave.

Blog to you soon, everyone!

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Just when I was trying to pull myself together, I unintentionally dragged myself deeper into the pit.

This was the exact same feeling I had over two years ago – when I was overwhelmed with so much pressure, that I decided to waste a Semester in College. Yes, I did pay the price of doing so, and I did so with much regret. But it was a very devastating time in my College life – I was torn inside myself, and I was losing focus. It was not my proudest moment that I can say. Yet, it provided me time to think things through, and get myself back on my feet.

But lately, the sleepless nights have returned. The distractions are back. The ghosts start to haunt me again. Just two years ago, I used to rebuke them so easily. Now they’re back, and they won’t let me win a second time.

However, the circumstances are different now, and so are the chances that I cannot afford to waste anymore. I’m slowly going back to my defense mechanism, and while I can make sense from my early symptoms, I have to move fast – no, I must also think fast, before it gets the best of me once more. With barely two more weeks left for this term, all I can do is to avoid losing grip of my grades (and my sanity).

Keep Aiming

Just this morning, I was faced yet again by another setback while preparing for our Organization’s Operational Plan – the Organization’s Plan of Activities for the whole school year.  Our Committee Directors, mostly Senior Chemistry Students, are busy with their Summer Practicum, and the other officers are busy with their Summer Class (like me, for instance).

And what’s worse in this situation, is that we have barely 6 days to finish the Operational Plan, before we defend our proposed activities to the Student Affairs Office.

 

It’s been very stressful for me, and being the President, I did not want to take on all the responsibilities for them, in order to finish this task. And right now, I feel utterly depressed with how things are going. I even succumbed to writing my own resignation letter, even before I start my work with the Society, and settle as the Organization’s Society Representative to our National Organization – the Philippine Association of Chemistry Students.

And as I finished posting my rather long (and depressing) announcement to get this Operational Plan done (and so I can start drafting my Resignation Letter), a friend of mine shared this photo on Facebook:

 

A thought came into me, and I began praying. Maybe this is just part of the struggles I have to face for now. Maybe I still have a lot to prove, and I have to prove my unbelievers wrong. I closed my browser, and began drafting portions of the OP.

I just got to keep aiming, and aim higher than before.