The Rough Days

Drained.

One word that could very well describe the state that you have dragged myself in for the past three weeks now. A condition that you long to end, mentally and emotionally. The pile of paperwork has been in a constant flux, and the deadlines never seem to finish. You start skipping meals, and in the long run, forgetting if you even had one, not until you see your wallet and you haven’t even spent a dime for food today, and you conclude that sleep is but a half-hour escape from the stresses you bring home from school, and is not even close to a “sound” one.

Exams usually come in pairs – none of which is easier than the other, and now that you are taking up major subjects in Pharmacy, doesn’t help with the fact that your instructors seem to “plot” you by scheduling the hard ones on the same day. And you usually have exams both in the morning, and extends way into the evening.

And the worst part is, during those lucid moments, when you blankly stare at the horizon, realizing that as you stare at the city lights, as you go home, that the end is nowhere in sight.

You get home, tired from the traffic, but you mind does not stop from worrying about the exam tomorrow. You gobble up your meal for the day (literally), and before you know it, you’re now leaning on the couch, trying to snatch a bit of sleep. You try to get up early for your internship, waving at the endless line of customers where the lane starts, refusing to sell Clindamycin to customers who claim its their only acne remedy, refilling stocks and getting blister cuts.

And just when the week is almost at its end, you remember that you haven’t started reading for Pharmacology..

Relapse

Just when I was trying to pull myself together, I unintentionally dragged myself deeper into the pit.

This was the exact same feeling I had over two years ago – when I was overwhelmed with so much pressure, that I decided to waste a Semester in College. Yes, I did pay the price of doing so, and I did so with much regret. But it was a very devastating time in my College life – I was torn inside myself, and I was losing focus. It was not my proudest moment that I can say. Yet, it provided me time to think things through, and get myself back on my feet.

But lately, the sleepless nights have returned. The distractions are back. The ghosts start to haunt me again. Just two years ago, I used to rebuke them so easily. Now they’re back, and they won’t let me win a second time.

However, the circumstances are different now, and so are the chances that I cannot afford to waste anymore. I’m slowly going back to my defense mechanism, and while I can make sense from my early symptoms, I have to move fast – no, I must also think fast, before it gets the best of me once more. With barely two more weeks left for this term, all I can do is to avoid losing grip of my grades (and my sanity).

Stressed

Just when I prayed to God that He gives me stuff to get busy with, this 2013, I think He gave me a little too much for what I asked for. And even before I concluded that my January would pass me by swiftly, I decided to think again. Oh wait, I didn’t have the time to think about it because I was too busy with so much work to do.

Three weeks since the start of the classes, and now we’re closing in on our Midterm exams, stress and sleepless nights begin to test our wits once more, as we went back to Adamson last January 3rd. Our professor on our first subject, never wasted a single minute, and started with the day with a recap of last year’s lessons on Aromatic compounds, and the EAS (Electrophilic Aromatic Substitution), and began discussing the topic for the next reactions on Benzene. Being our same professor for Analytical Chemistry, he practically did the same thing – explaining to us that he had to start with the lessons this early, since we don’t have much time, due to minor setbacks and the long weekends we had during the first two months of the semester.

Our laboratory subjects were as busy as ever. Since most of our topics for the Analytical lab subject were focused more on Titrimetry, we basically had to bear with the time-pressuring practical exams every Tuesday, and the formal reports we have to submit for that particular activity.

And, to be honest, I only get decent sleeps during the weekends, and my mom couldn’t blame me for it. Having to spend almost the whole day in school, whenever I get home, I barely eat dinner and I’m usually off to studying or, to my bed.

But, hope is never lost for this young Chemist. Definitely, everything will pay off in due time, so I just have to bear with these for awhile, and in no time, I’ll reap all these hardships, right?