Monday Rants

“Too much attachment is the reason why some people cannot move on”

I once told myself that when we graduated from high school, I need not ‘stalk’ for a picture of him because I would get to see him all I want, when I get our high school yearbook. Unfortunately, due to some upsetting circumstance, he was one of the few students in our class whose picture did not appear in the finished copy.

Sure, I was probably more upset than he was. But by the time I would probably be in the state of feeling that way, I was already over him – or so I think I am. Because whenever fate gets in the way, I just couldn’t help myself and feel the emotions surge back to me when I see him.

Come to think of it, after six awful, unrequited years of living in delusion, I couldn’t bear tell myself that I got way obsessed with him that it hurts me so much.

But the question remains: Why can’t I just cut it off?

 

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Truth Thursday: For Your Approval

I have to admit, but family reunions are my father’s side of the tree is just one of the few things I look forward to the least, in the whole year (if it’s not because of the food, though). Nothing beats the feeling of having to eat delicious food, and be summoned to the living room for some lecturing from all my aunts and uncle.

Not that I hate it (I despise it), but having to defend myself for the decisions that I have been doing lately with my schooling, and my personal decision on leaving, was definitely ‘suffocating’ for me, having to abide to whatever they deemed ‘proper’ and right for me. And for the longest time, I have been doing things their way, I usually forget that I do have a say on how I should live my life – not like how I see them making me follow them all the way.

Come to think of it, I almost missed out on so many things because of trying so hard to keep up with them.

Maybe this time, I can finally get away with it, and start anew with how I want to live my life. I was doing perfectly well, before they came. Though not being very inconsiderate of me, I appreciate what they’ve given me. But I think it came too much – with all the sermons and the ‘degrading’ I seem to have received from them.

Maybe this time, I can finally establish what I really want to be.

Truth Thursdays: Plan A

Upon graduating from high school, I decided to make use of one thing I never even thought would come in handy. Probably because I was mindful of dates and stuff like that, I found no use to it, but I was opening a new chapter in my life – a life of a college student, and I decided to make use of planners.

Four years ago, while everyone in my high school batch was busy with acceptance letters from universities that they have passed, and the upcoming Junior – Senior Promenade, I was slowly building up my dreams of being a student of the University of the Philippines – one of the premier universities in the country. I was to take up a bachelor’s degree in Nutrition, and take up Medicine.

Important dates were already on my planner: when I was supposed to go to Laguna; where I was supposed to look for a dormitory near the University; what subjects I were going to take – I had them all written down, and foreseen what were going to happen.

I never got to UPLB, for my mother didn’t want me to. So I had to settle for my last choice, and take up another course (which I do love, nevertheless). I tried to make do of it, even if at times, my plans never worked out.

But now, I am constantly faced with so many changes, so many things that I want to do that I get conflicts in my head.

Oh, but there is so little time. Why can I not stick to what I really love, and be content?