Truth Thursdays: Versus

*Note from the author: After rereading the mechanics for ‘Truth Thursday’, I finally understood how these prompts work, and that I could post my work, and not have to schedule my posts for Thursday (since technically Truth ‘Thursday’ should be done on a Thursday) and wait for a few more days if I started it, like on a Sunday. It’s technically my first Truth Thursday post, so please do bear with my work! *smiles*

For the longest time now, I have been waging a battle who bears no winner – two champions who continue to outdo one another every single time – a game wherein the fates of all who’s in it have been tied to one another; a challenge that has driven me to my wits end; a tug of war where no one want to give up.

Back then, I was very sure of what I do and I knew what I wanted to be. I was confident with how I talk and walk when I am with people. They saw the leadership that I kept close to myself, and they seldom saw that I resort to tears even in the direst situations. They feel how I try to be diplomatic and cheerful when others are down. I would extend my help to those who are in need – not paying attention to what lies in return, but is grateful when receiving from other people.

However, there is more to all of these.

Because every time I try to get up, I stumble and fall on my knees, and I have kept it to myself all this time.
I never knew that having an ‘internal’ argument with my inner self would be this difficult, especially when I have long hoped towards moving on from all the hatred, and then something pulls me back, and pours salt on my wounds.
If only I could compromise with how I actually want things to happen and learn how to forgive each and every person who has crossed me in the past, maybe I could find a way and leave all the ill feelings and thoughts behind me, and finally start over again with a smile on my face, and look forward to what the future holds for me.

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Written for Truth Thursdays. This blog exists to connect people through writing. To initiate something honest, thoughtful and meaningful. Wanna know more about this awesome thing I just participated in, read it here :)

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I Speak Up

I got tired of it eventually.

I got tired of the numerous times that I had to keep mouth shut; of keeping my thoughts to my own; of keeping the worries inside my head. For the longest time that I held the reins and convinced myself that in silence I would be able to handle things under control, I thought, maybe it was just that I needed. And for some time I went on believing that things were falling ‘according to planned’. But they weren’t. And now, I had to stop.

This time, I was no longer keeping myself chained to people who never appreciated my company. People who only saw me when they needed the advice or the leaning shoulder. I grew weary of having people close to me, then seeing the ones who grew close to me drift away when their lives seem to go well, but then I fade into the background, like a toy that’s back in the chest once you’ve finished playing with it.

And when I thought that I would never get through that lump on my throat, I finally blurted out what I wanted to tell you. How upset I was because of how I saw things.

I got tired of it, but now I finally said how I felt. And it actually felt good.